madbibliomancer

first poem in a long time (by the way my computer's broken)

Thu, 20 Dec 2007 03:17:35 GMT

I'll shoot you in the face if you crawl up out of the shower drain again
but I hope sincerely that that doesn't mean we can't remain good friends
my hair is wet, your hopes are hung
like shadows stapled to the sun
your ears are pierced by porcupines, neither clinging nor too shy,
that stab my flesh and cut the sky
like there is rain left to be wrung
from the clouds shielding that sad sun
were I a king or a spy or someone fit to say goodbye
I'd never flinch and never lie, no matter how you shift and sigh
I'd shove you down the stairs and then
you'd fly or I'd shove you down again

Hey Pat

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 21:46:03 GMT

The key is still MIA, I mad sure the windows were locked and turned everything off though. I mentioned it to Mom, I'll keep an eye out for it.

Fri, 26 Oct 2007 02:11:36 GMT

Hey Pat, I think I beat you on the reading section of the SATs, 770. Math brought me down, but Mom's still pleased. 10 out of twelve on the writing section, and something lower on the math. Good thing I'm not harboring a secret dream to become a math major.

Tue, 02 Oct 2007 01:15:12 GMT

Just finished hanging out with Brandon. It's probably the last time I'll see him for a while so I'm feeling sad. I'm happy for him though.

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 00:54:23 GMT

I agreed. There isn't a way to back out now short of a death in the family.

kind of hyperventilating

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 00:38:10 GMT

I got asked to be assistant stage manager. I'm terrified of responsibility in it's many forms. I'm the logical choice and can't think of a way to wuss out without feeling like a wuss. What to do.

Fri, 28 Sep 2007 02:37:28 GMT

this---> http://forums.koalawallop.com/viewtopic.php?t=1719 is the most delightful holiday I've ever heard of

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 22:47:13 GMT

So it seems like I'll be getting my community service hours working at the public library, unless something goes wrong. It could be worse, I spend a few hours there most days anyway.

Sun, 23 Sep 2007 16:25:32 GMT

So incredibly bored. Cells collapsing from... extreme...boredom.

feeling stupid and sentimental

Thu, 06 Sep 2007 00:52:47 GMT

I think the truth of someone is revealed in what they create, and sometimes I think that that understanding, between artist and observer is the only kind available to us in a world of different worlds and subjectivity and walls of self.
That's why I care so much about what I create, why it invariably falls short of my hopes, so far at least.
I want to be worth understanding, and if there's anything true or beautiful in me, left there by accident maybe, I want to rip it out and concentrate it down into paint and words and hold it out to the world as a present.
This is why if anyone ever asked me I'd tell them that I loved my favorite writers like brothers, or friends, or lovers if I had ever had any. The people I've come closest to understanding, generations away. The people who understood me, although we've never met and gave it to me as a present wrapped up in their own genius.

Urgh, this is why I shouldn't let myself talk. I'm such a cliche.

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 21:40:54 GMT

I finished Bend Sinister today. Why Mr.Nabokov do you insist on breaking my heart?

Sat, 18 Aug 2007 14:35:46 GMT

I'm flying home today, the plane gets there at 10:30 so I should be home by midnight.

big sky cow heaven

Sat, 11 Aug 2007 02:42:40 GMT

Today was so beautiful I can't even explain it. Next week I'm wading across the Mississippi with my bare feet.

Fri, 10 Aug 2007 19:06:09 GMT

Grandpa's recovering from his surgery really well, I'm trying to write something interesting. All in all things are ok.

lonely but fulfilling familial obligations

Tue, 07 Aug 2007 00:31:44 GMT

Hawley is such a horror movie little town, tiny and dieing. I never thought I'd be homesick for Connecticut but such is life. We'll find out what time Grandpa needs to be at the hospital tomorrow.
I bought a best of Abba cd, such is my desperation. I know I'm whining but someboby humor me and cheer me up anyway, please.
You managing ok without us Pat?

Sun, 05 Aug 2007 01:17:33 GMT

Helped Ryan move into his apartment today, it was exciting, but hard work. I've just got to pack and then tomorrow morning I'm off for two weeks in Minnesota helping out my grandmother while my grandfather's in the hospital.

probably my worst poem yet

Thu, 26 Jul 2007 01:13:56 GMT

somedays you are what people are willing to call you
Sunday I wanted to curl into a groove in the ground
and grow covered in moss

subterranean people are heavy with the earth above them
and the earth below them
and the stone on every side

when they die there is no lightness
they are lead

I am a person living underwater and it’s just the same
if it fools you for a second
and you open your mouth to drink deep
smothered in water it’s heaviness will fill you
full like a sack of stones
the same inside as the outside
if you slept you’d dream of drowning

I am not indivisible I know so it is a mystery
why I am compressed into coal like some
young fossil instead of sharded or disintegrated or gone

Thu, 26 Jul 2007 00:57:37 GMT

Eh, cheesecake didn't turn out very good. I think the oven wasn't hot enough. the others seemed to like it.

I accidentally opened a spam email and found this...

Wed, 25 Jul 2007 22:20:20 GMT

So Far star low voice took their seats; sordid materialism. So is my antidote in sacrilege. And put on the name is given orders? In the wood. But I've given orders: from the broad satisfaction. It but beyond (money)? As I don't care? Wienis hasn't been and stained his activities; have the Empire (is)? The content not one Gaal moved passed through his breath, first. The why don't are much? I. What is it shone through and silently: have made it simply that they came from said but in a young not fohgotten yoah but accept it would be confined to apply psychohistory: and the ENCYCLOPEDISTS; way out of direct cause, of the king's own benefit of the fleet ship, soldiers were working on Alpha Centauwi, oah to blow my bare, foot, of the noble whose seat: was the whole of the point; of HARI SELDON to your beauty (your project). Witness the cleverest politician of his scanty eyebrows and then. Of stands out to every home. Right. You countersign an expression was questioned sir, that this is out what have been three ships had not a politician near apoplexy. Avakim seated, a new other afterward: that danger and it. Oh, but of the Sub ocean of Synnax (which the with my men lined up in his knees in horror of up for twenty five pages of the farther reaches of the Galactic Empire no rate of maintaining their need you have done shouted Wienis started from it all but it). What are we are enlightened one of the general thing, however, well then word. I take place that Anacreon the sound? Sit down slowly the dark shame and Jord Parma of the Foundation day, my friend; of the significance. Within the past is to Pirenne think my dear! What is going there is the fall into the Emperor had better than They then show you know that has been made himself to horizon: to make remember him it along to assume that Hardin; winced at the brandy: department, and laughed; harshly me. The examination continued. Some day be co ordinated; world your councilors who weliable his mouth. Hardin. But he put; the ship. You're a fight. What it's true: even amuse yourself, remaining trade, ships! His head.

and then at the bottom was an advertisement for cheaper medication.

Wed, 25 Jul 2007 15:47:00 GMT

Making cheesecake today, from scratch, the crust and everything. It's baking right now, and then it spends a long time in the fridge setting, hopefully it'll be good.

moral of the story

Tue, 17 Jul 2007 23:41:29 GMT

and from now on I’m just gonna work off my own stuff because using people’s words without their consent is kind of an assy thing to do. which is why I only notice it after I do it a lot

They didn't make any sense to me at all,
Every girl goes through the definition of the word
be a man, all that, so he changes into "the opposite of himself,
beautiful, and much less blurry.

as a downpayment, twice a week with tender dispassion
I am very unhappy. girly, girly, teenage
also, mildly uncomfortable.
because it makes me happy
I want you to be
the bare bones of which is, strange sensation of
Go on, I would in your place.

I've started this
I decided to do
the best argument against sainthood

Also I replaced my broken bullshit teenage longing.
ungainly, halfshapen, so I can move on to better things
all I can seem to write
some of the weaker pieces, I have a few fairytale ideas
don’t breath, just work.
I'm not sure when I'll put my foot down and say it's finished.

our saga continues

Tue, 17 Jul 2007 22:04:29 GMT

it also makes me happy though to
cherished in new hands
It doesn't feel like this is a real person
I know my body well enough
but what sets me apart is so attached to that identity,
if I have to sing another I can't find any breakdown
I ask for help when I need it,

the best parts of me went out in the evening with some folks from home
That's just not something a guy does.
let it suffice
Since I doubt All day long,
Well, maybe not -all-,
the profession is to change the name.
What else could you call it, though?
It's been that thing for so long,

something you've given I replaced my broken
Ah well. Nothing that can't be fixed
they were all splendid fellows

just love it and devote yourself to it,
It's really rather epic.
We're put in an impossible situation,
something that can't even be
and I was changing, and i still am.
I really don't know who or what I’m going to be at the end of all this.

brief intermission courtesy of cannibalizing our mr.bibble

Tue, 17 Jul 2007 21:40:18 GMT

little smiles and me, all overcame as they say.
there are just as many moments of
the shed soul supreme no, really,
FUCKED UP.
Naturally, any of this could be
I will burn out soon I promise.
after I gave I started this song
dead man, watch but instead pushing to the end.
I have just entered so remind me who's in.
I just want to make it perfectly clear:
it feels great to be clean.

Because life is too weird not to turn into modern art,

Tue, 17 Jul 2007 20:10:57 GMT

cut-up of two of my favorite people, not very good but I might end up doing more anyway

but seriously, there's a typhoon coming our way
when the right things shouldn't have looked
the wrong people looking for a storm get what you give
we all know how this works

I couldn't complain the rest of the day was
watching the storm through the window on the train
today it's bright and clear here

there's a typhoon coming our way
sometime tomorrow I'm sure will be complete madness
here's a limited record of the epic
I'm in the mood for background music,

it still means the whole planet,
more sure of it than what my heart desires
please let's do something (it was great), a front row seat
Thanks for keeping me company, on the armrest of the couch.

Although there -was- a tear I nearly forgot.
all of my keys are completely black and featureless
heart-plucked the year is fast approaching
full of tasty cake and fireworks,
and there was no tear there. I'm a little disappointed

tired but pleased she's a brave girl.
in reverse chronological order, the tones, oh god, the tones!).
Just one more thing to pay for.

(think of an orange slice shaped wedge of cartilage
the memory is stored and even She looked sad when she said it.
in a dream, I just woke up again, and everything is manually adjustable
don't let me change

I tried a few beginer go problems

Sun, 15 Jul 2007 06:04:40 GMT

They didn't make any sense to me at all, but it was pretty interesting. I think I'll harass Pat into teaching me a little, see if maybe I can pick it up.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot I'm getting my learner's permit this thursday(hopefully)I should read the manuel.